It’s time for the Christians to experience their annual anxiety over what to give up during the time they belive their invisible savior died, went to hell and then came back to earth and then somehow wentto heaven. Remember this was an era before GPS. So I am impressed because I have trouble finding my way around the south side of Milwaukee.
Here are my suggestions for the top 10 things Christians should give up during this period
- Virginity, especially anyone over 30. Just find the first person available whether male male or female.
- Crack, it’s an expensive habit and you damn Christian crack hoes are ruining the fun for us heathens.
- Lima beans, you know they’re disgusting and you only eat them because of mom. Well, you’re an adult so stop eating them.
- Brushing your teeth. It’s time to liberate yourself from some other stuff mom taught you.
- Paying bills, because we all know, god will provide the increase.
- Washing your clothes, hell, it’s a little stain from whatever you were doing, so let it go.
- Wearing underwear, an easy choice because you have been waiting to let let it all hand loose.
- Getting to work on time: What is it with this bourgeois habit of using clocks and watches? Fuck them.
- Kids if you have them. Children are the biggest nuisance, as the Maury show has demonstrated. Don’t worry about the DNA results. It’s parent’s time to have fun.
- Sobriety after 7AM. Sobriety another one of those overrated things. Well, that’s all I could think of for now. But it’s Lent, so everybody’s got to give it up.