Sometimes you have to rely on your instincts


I have faced a series of critical life decisions including whether to admit that at the time I was living with a mental illness. The life altering decisions have changed me for the good and I am grateful that I chose my instincts. I was almost literally flat on my back when I decided that something about my behavior wasn’t working. My old pattern of getting help in  dire emergency didn’t seem to make sense. I had to do something I had resisted which was to allow myself to be diagnosed. I had been a professional and believed I was on top in my field but in reality I did not have a solid foundation under me.

That’s how I had fallen and needed to cry out that I was lost. Surely there was an easier way to do this. I could have spoken to people years before who had insight into me and I would have saved myself some heart ache.

Late last year I decided it was time for another change. After being a peer specialist for many years but still frustrated with where I was in life I decided I needed to become certified. I would risk $50 for something that might not pay off at all. Well, it did in a big way. After passing the test in March, I was hired in June. I got a job that needed a car and I had no way of getting one. I banged my head several times and car dealer walls until I found a place that would do a deal among the worst imaginable for a consumer.

This week I walked into my credit union, with a payment history, a full time job and a part time one and got help. The next thing I knew, the credit union was offering to buy out my old loan and planning to do a much better deal with me. Sometimes you have to reach inside and ask whatever instinct you have for guidance. If you’ve been telling yourself mental illness doesn’t exist, why are you in such pain? If you don’t want someone tinkering with your brain, what have you tinkered with already? If what you’ve tried has led you to the brink, isn’t it worth exploring something different?

First, came the mental illness. Next came the recovery. And that’s where the readers came in.

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5 thoughts on “Sometimes you have to rely on your instincts

  1. In the end, we all do what we need to do when the time comes to do it … or not. I think it has something to do with wheat, but trying to remember it chaffs me up.

    I always think it’s cool when I manage to do the thing I needed to do just in the nick of time. It’s like living in an adventure movie… without the advertisements or credits.

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    1. I was wondering whether someone would pick up on the fact I did not mention belief in any supernatural being which easily could have substituted for what I said. “Sometimes you have to step out on faith” could have been the title and the story would have gone a completely different direction. But because god didn’t give me the idea to do what he did, she doesn’t get any of the credit. That also goes to me.

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  2. I could not be certain that you lack a faith in god. I wanted to give you props for avoiding that crutch and getting it done on your own. Let me say so now. You should feel good about yourself and give yourself ALL the credit. Awesome!!

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