It has been a couple of weeks since I added any new entries to my blog and I’m pleased to say it’s because I got busy. I have been missing being a relationship for about a year. Now that I live in a 3 bedroom flat, it’s all the more evident that I live alone. I went out with my new girl friend twice last week and texted back and forth several times with her. She’s funny, attractive, a good listener and nice to cuddle with. In other words, I am terrified about the idea of expressing my feelings towards her. I feel vulnerable and I think of reasons why this probably won’t work. It’s the most “normal” thing I’ve done in years.
On the plus side, there is the fact so many of the consumers I work with a involved in relationships. Am I stereotyping here? Not really. Like the old saying goes, we all need the eggs from being in a relationship. Finding that someone who smiles a certain way, and whose memory gives you a warmth that lasts all day. Yesterday while at work I sent my girl friend a text message about practicing our kissing techniques. You know that old song about how can you tell if he loves you so, it’s in his kiss. I have found that I just love having my arms around her and being there.
And yet, we’re not exactly “normal.” This is not Archie and Betty at the movies. We are a couple who are in recovery. In fact, if not for our past trouble, we never would have met. If not for our current wellness, we would never have sought out one another.
I think about the problems of past relationships and the things I see when people in recovery. When someone says, “it’s all good”, I beg to differ because I’ve never seen anything that was all good. When the New York Giants won the Super Bowl a few weeks ago, even that wasn’t all good. They didn’t score on every possession and they were forced to come from behind to win. Part of wellness involves being honest about the state of our relationships and feelings. I’m worried because my girl friend smokes, is 15 years younger than me and is a Christian. But somehow when we’re together or thinking about one another none of that seems to matter.
The things that began weaving their way into our hearts still remain. They give us a basis for optimism and resilience. So I go onto black relationships sites to read about the things women like men to do. I laugh at her jokes. I embrace our feelings and every now and then, I remember to breath. Now that I have said all these things, I will start blogging again.
- Trend Alert: Be a Sweetheart (fabsugar.com)